


The Tournament

by Ljungfrun



Series: Late Middle Ages AU [1]
Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medieval, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:21:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25957432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ljungfrun/pseuds/Ljungfrun
Summary: Introducing Kanda, Alma, & their banter throughout their journey from the Black Order’s castle to a tournament. There’s gossip on the castle grounds, Alma wants to go to Italy, and the guards are like “yikes”.
Relationships: Kanda Yuu & Alma Karma, Kanda Yuu & Lenalee Lee, Komui Lee & Lenalee Lee
Series: Late Middle Ages AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1883959
Kudos: 7





	1. Leaving The Black Order

**Author's Note:**

> Okay this is my first proper fanfiction ever and I've never posted on here before so please go easy on me <3 (You can also find related art on my tumblr vendelaberglin!)

It was no small company that left the Black Order’s castle that morning, consisting of several guardsmen, servants, and scribes. At the heart of the train rode the lord of the castle and his sister, the last remnants of the Lee family. Lastly, Kanda and Alma had been put in the far back to avoid them setting the pace for their journey at all costs. Or even worse, racing off to settle an argument.

Carefully they made their way down the mountain, through the forest, and down towards the mist of the lower lands. The calm could’ve been a product of the morning air, neither of the squires confined to the back had spoken since the departure. The guards directly in front of them however felt conflicted about the silence as it could be interpreted vastly differently. Either the squires had both woken up on the right side for once, or they had already gotten into a fight and were refusing to speak to one another. The guardsmen could do little but hope for the best.

“I wish we could’ve just gone with Froi and Marie…” Alma sulked, breaking the silence. The guards ahead relaxed, though they were still listening intently. “Italy is… you know…”

“A fucking mess,” Kanda filled in, deadpan. He must still be waking up despite the hours of preparation before their exit.

“I suppose it’s not _entirely_ untrue… It’s _complex_. But that’s what makes it so fascinating!”

Kanda didn’t find it fascinating enough to grace the statement with a response so Alma continued on his own. This was usually a turn for the worse.

“Besides it’s always so cold here! And I want to see the sea at least once in my life!”

“It was just winter, idiot! Of course it’s cold you moron!”

“I know that, you don’t have to be rude!”

This was the pattern of things. Alma’s complaints were met by Kanda’s flatly worded insults that Alma would take offense to. And of course he would, he didn’t seem to have the self-awareness to know that he was getting on Kanda’s nerves to begin with. It had been debated on whether he was actually that dense or if it was a skill that had been honed over time.

Some thought of Alma’s excitement as some kind of foil to Kanda’s bitterness, but only at first glance, the witnesses to his own volatile temper would strongly suggest otherwise. The two might’ve been near inseparable at one point, but on most days they were utterly incapable of working together and their polar opposite traits did _not_ weigh out. They would only serve to make these extremes even more apparent. Kanda’s ice cold demeanour would only make Alma’s chatter come across as all the more overbearing.

Their relationship was… turbulent, to be sure, but separately they made impressive individuals. Nobody harboured any doubts that they would one day claim their place within that renowned elite known as knights. Especially since Tiedoll’s frankly miraculous job on straightening out their initially barbaric social skills. There was talk of elevating him to sainthood for his effort. Only partially in jest.

To the guardsmen’s relief, the conversation only ended up with a pout on Alma’s face.

Until five minutes later.

“Anyway, as I was saying about Italy!” This is where the guards started praying. It went thusly: _Shut up, shut up, shut up. Please for Christ’s sake, Alma, don’t make it worse!_ If only they could have an hour of silence without being under the threat of their disputes, that would be enough.

“Where were they going again?”

Kanda hesitated for a moment, but decided maybe he wasn’t as opposed to talking as he had first thought. Often, the guards had noted, he would just snap back by default. “Florence. If they’re still welcome there when they arrive.”

“Hmm, I suppose it’d be Milan then. Or Venice. Or anywhere really,” Alma pondered, silently spelling out the rivaling cities of Italy in his head. His brow furrowed into a scowl, “Damn these constantly shifting allegiances, I haven’t even memorized the ones in the past!”

“Tsk, why would you?”

Alma stopped for a second as he turned to Kanda. The pause was a moment too long.

“...Yuu, you know-”

“History and politics go hand in hand, I know, I don’t care for either, move on.”

“Just admit you can't memorize them, you're not gonna look any better if you don't even try!”

“Shut up, that’s not it! It doesn’t matter anyway, we’ll never go to Italy in the first place!”

Alma’s gaze dropped to the road, realizing he was probably right. He really wanted to go there one day. They said it was so beautiful too.

“Wait, but how come?”

“We’ll be sent to France once Tiedoll comes back,” he said, sounding too sure for Alma to question it. The lack of response allowed Kanda to elaborate without interruption.

“I heard people talking about it, The French are just causing a lot of problems. The only other real alternative we have right now is crusading in Lithuania. There’s no benefit in sending us elsewhere right now.”

“Wh- but there’s crusades by the Mediterranean too!”

“It’s too messy,” Kanda explained. “They can’t ensure it’ll be worth the risk. Besides, it’s too much politics, I wouldn’t want to go there in the first place.”

Alma thought it made sense, though he didn’t like hearing it. The chaotic Italian scene was exciting, like the stories. It was easier to get knighted too. He sighed to himself. If only Tiedoll could’ve brought them along this once.

An hour or so passed after that. By now the mist had dispersed and the forest awoke in earnest. Moments of silence were filled by a new topic, ending in silence, followed by another, and so it went. Finally they were starting to close in on their first stop.

“Anyway it’s a mystery to me how the damsels practically besiege you in court. With your vocabulary, shouldn’t your mouth be considered a defect in itself? Wouldn’t that keep you from getting knighted?” Alma said, a blunt jab at Kanda.

Kanda didn’t skip a beat before hissing back at him. “Mind your own fucking business!”

Somewhere at the back of Alma’s head it must’ve not been enough that Kanda snapped back at him. Kanda still kept his burning glare at the road ahead of them, maybe that was why.

“You already have Lenalee! I’m just saying, it’s simply unfair,” Alma stated. Plainly. At this point he was visibly just messing with Kanda.

However, the topic in question had the guards’ attention shift from concern to curiosity immediately. Nobody in these godforsaken lands was exempt from the thrill of gossip. Except for Kanda. People grabbed what they could and spread it around like a wildfire. And as luck would have it, the squires were oblivious of the guardsmen.

“Maybe if you shut up and let someone else talk you could hold a conversation for once in your miserable life.”

“Boo! You can’t hold a conversation if you don’t speak at all, so that puts us in the same spot! And I don’t talk _that_ much!”

“You do though! You just don’t listen to yourself!”

“Lies! I do! Or well… maybe not about that exactly but I put a lot of effort into my conversations! I read books and everything…”

Kanda wasn’t about to respond to what seemed to him to be turning into a self-pitying rant and Alma stayed silent for a moment longer.

Then finally he mumbled: “It’s the hair isn’t it?”

“Excuse me, what?” Kanda snarled, making Alma jolt involuntarily and snapping back to reality.

“Wh- well yeah! Everyone is always talking about how nice your hair is! It’s so unfair, you don’t even try to take care of it, you just let it grow! I could never do that, mine’s so rough and it looks dumb whenever I take the helmet off!”

Kanda just squinted at him, dumbstruck. He didn’t know how to deal with insecurities like this. Above all he couldn’t wrap his mind around what a stupid concern that was.

“That’s not my problem!”

“Whatever, Yuu! I’m just saying, what’s the point if you’ve already got someone?”

“The point-? Stop assuming that I want anyone to come up to talk to me! Dancing, talking, everything’s just a chore.” The yelling halted as Kanda’s brain processed the rest of Alma’s ranting. “And I don’t ‘got’ anybody, we just get along is all.”

“You and Lenalee?”

“Who else, smartass?”

The talk about something going on between Lenalee and Kanda was more than a rumour at this point. It had already been going on for a while and eventually it had turned downright political. The only reason people never confronted Kanda about it was because they treasured breathing. Dearly. Unfortunately that left them all to make their own assumptions and spread them around as well.

Alma and Kanda were taught by Tiedoll individually ever since they were adopted by the order. He caught on quickly that they’d tear each other apart over their flaws if kept in the same room. If Alma’s pronunciation wasn’t pitch-perfect, Kanda would be on to him in an instant. If Kanda’s writing was even slightly off, Alma would immediately criticize his ugly letters.

When Tiedoll was occupied with Alma, Kanda was meant to be reading. Most of the time he snuck out to practice fencing instead and that was where he met Lenalee. Two children escaping their daily chores to play with swords. When nobody was around, he’d teach her what he knew and she’d mimic him. She became one of the few people in the castle that he could tolerate. It wasn’t his problem that people interpreted it as a _romantic development_.

Frankly, there was more to it than that. As previously mentioned there was a political aspect to it. Nothing was ever easy. The Lee family was often thought of as part of the order, but Komui wanted to stay out of their conflicts if possible. When it came down to it, the Lee family was only connected to the order because Komui was the lord of the castle. The order supported the family who had been through a rough patch since their parents died, on the condition that they were allowed to use the castle as their headquarters.

It was a very tense relationship. Since Komui, regrettably, was involved with everything happening on his land, it was also inevitable that he’d need to be in the know of the Black Order’s current business. Thus it grew difficult to separate the Lee family from the order. Hell, he knew more about their business than Kanda cared to. Unfortunately, that’s where Kanda came into the picture.

As part of the order his position with Lenalee was ideal. If they married, the castle would eventually be in the hands of the Black Order. Kanda did not care one bit, regardless of how many people he’d please. But if he _had_ to, he thought that it might as well be Lenalee. At least she didn’t insist on touching his damn hair, but grew out her own instead. If only more people could follow her example.

And what about Lord Lee himself you may ask? Adamantly refused. He was already too caught up in the web of the Black Order’s business to consider marriage, and he wasn’t about to be paired up with any lady within the order. Oh, they would’ve loved that though. Instead he would pour what time he had to spare into securing Lenalee’s future. Most of all he’d want to send her away to study, to keep her away from the influences of the order, but she was far too attached to her home.

At least, Kanda thought, Komui wasn’t backing their marriage. Unfortunately it was Kanda and Komui against the entire Black Order. Not that he had bothered to ask how Lenalee felt about it yet. He didn’t even want to bring that question into their friendship.

After a good moment of silence Alma’s mumbling broke it. “We just get along,” he said, and mockingly so to Kanda’s ears. “My _ass_! I know you run off together when nobody’s around!”

Kanda’s glare turned to Alma like a statue come to life, stone cracking as it moved. The kind of glare that would haunt a man to the end of his days, except it was thwarted by Alma’s stubborn ignorance. Keeping his eyes on the road to avoid Medusa’s petrifying gaze, Alma didn’t bother to contain a devious chuckle.

“Hey tell me, what do you do? Do you bring her flowers? Does she braid your hair? Do you hold hands and pass each other love poetry during the day?”

Alma’s taunting wasn’t imaginary anymore, anyone could hear it now. Even on horseback, Kanda reached over to choke Alma. It was a wonder they made it through the day unharmed. The wonder in question might have been the stop they made for lunch.

Later in the day, the sun brought with it good spirits upon the roads of Central Europe. The rays that made their way through the leaves seemed to promise a brighter future. Some say they even heard the squires in the back laugh to themselves towards the end of the journey. The rumour spread further ahead in the procession but nobody believed Alma could get a chuckle out of Kanda unless they saw it with their own eyes.


	2. The Joust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Lavi, a wedding party, and more historical inaccuracies! Kanda is born in the wrong century, Lenalee & Miranda go to watch a romantic play, and Alma is Kanda’s personal exposition fairy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh gosh I’ve criticized myself so much over this and the previous chapter, but in the end I had to tell myself to just have fun with it. Big thanks to my wonderful boyfriend who sat down with me for hours to review this!

About four and a half days' ride north, the procession finally reached their goal. They arrived in a town on the lands of another Lord, a man who was soon to be married, placing his lands under the Habsburg dynasty just like many others. This called for a grand celebration so the Lord arranged for a hunt, festivities at both his own estate and in the town, a play for the townsfolk, and a joust. Or as Kanda would refer to it: a goddamn spectacle.

True enough, jousts just weren’t what they used to be. Because they were expensive to host, Lords had to find a way to convince the peasants that it was worth their taxes. Jousts these days had an element of showmanship, colourful and exciting, and on occasion the competitors might even be dressed up to fit a certain theme. Kanda had heard the horror stories of entire flocks of squires being dressed up as harlequins and he was _not_ about to be one of them. Anyone who would have the misfortune of trying to put a silly getup on him was bound to meet the business end of a sharpened sword. _Damn Low Country trend_.

The spectators, the arena, the outfits; all things he would rather do without. He wished he was born during a time where jousts were decided on a large field, providing real-life experience with large-scale mock battles. No cheers, just the chaos of war. For fuck sake, he was going to get knighted, not become a fucking court jester. There wasn’t a need for anything but your arms and armour when it came to the contest of skill.

As they rode through town they found it already decked out with flowers and flags blending in nicely with the colours of spring. It was a quaint place overall, though it must’ve grown this large pretty recently. Many buildings looked new, and there were still fences being erected to expand on farmlands and pastures. Well taken care of, cleaner than most. It had never been attractive enough to see war in the past so they must’ve thought they could live in peace here forever surrounded by the forest and the mountains. Eyes shimmering with hope and adoration told that a lot of them had probably found the opportunity to start anew here. It was peaceful, but growing too large to remain so for long. With expansion came the want for more and unnoticed trouble. Sooner or later, things would get out of hand.

Kanda kept his eyes from making contact with any of the curious peasants. Alma on the other hand would offer smiles and greet those who reached out to him. Despite his enthusiasm, Alma had the brainpower to compose himself somewhat in public so the townsfolk weren’t hit by the full force of his personality. The greetings would sometimes be wordless, just a gentle, dignified nod in their direction and a handsome smile. He also accepted flowers from a few snickering maidens.

Eventually they arrived at the castle where they were to stay as guests for the duration of the festivities. They recognized the liveliness of the grounds from several events at the Black Order, though they were never so purely joyous as this. Things were as prepared as they could be, but that didn’t change the fact that there was still plenty of things for the workers to do. Servants came to take care of the horses, the luggage, and their guests. Kanda was hesitant to leave his belongings in the servants’ “capable hands” but he knew the drill and refrained from opposing them for the sake of appearance. This visit was bound to be one long week.

Together with Lord Lee and Lenalee they were toured around the castle grounds while their belongings were being carried to their rooms. It was a lovely scenery for anyone who held any love for fine things, the castle surrounded by gardens and fields. Far away the forest and the mountains lined the horizon like the backdrop of a play, a wall that gave them the illusion of being isolated from the rest of the world in this idyllic landscape. After time spent discussing the Lord’s collection of art and drinking a small amount, they ended up back at the main hall. From this point they were allowed to take their time to get ready for dinner. Good, Kanda only had so much energy for faking enthusiasm for old paintings.

Later, a simple dinner was served for all of the guests, a welcome sight after many days on the road. The Lord and soon to be Lady of the castle would not join them until the festivities of the coming day. Seating was arranged in such a fashion that higher ranks needn’t bother with the lower, separating the nobility from the accompanying servants.

The dining itself took a distinct amount of time but after that came the socializing and the drinking, and people were starved for variation of company. Most enjoyed the opportunity to trade thoughts and discuss news, like they had sustained themselves on gossip alone for months on end and were desperate for deeper conversations. Kanda however quickly grew numb from the talking and after a solid hour of zoning out in conversation he was more than ready to return to his room. He should’ve participated enough to be allowed to leave.

Looking for the perfect excuse to remove himself from any company, he was surprised when he was pulled to the side, stumbling away as he was dragged away from view, around the corner, and out of the stone hall. Kanda regained his balance and squinted through the blur as a result of the endless sipping of alcohol to keep himself occupied. Ah. Alma, of course. Well he didn’t have any complaints, any excuse to leave would do.

Alma hushed him before he could say anything and peeked out from around the corner, glancing back into the dining hall. He gestured for Kanda to do the same. Kanda sighed and obliged.

“What are we looking at?” he asked, as he consigned himself to being the second dumbass that had “a little bit too much to drink” written all over his face. If anyone ever asked, he didn’t know that the beer was brewed with labrador tea and hops.

“The two men talking to Lord Lee.”

The eccentric, tall man was surrounded by company, as were the case at gatherings like these. Right next to him stood Lenalee, visibly uncomfortable with his bragging. He must’ve been talking about her. Komui’s goofy laughter coupled with his hands on her shoulders gave it away. The two men that were with them were two individuals of very varying impressions. One was a remarkably short, old man with dark eyes that betrayed an old soul. He must’ve not been there to listen to Komui brag about Lenalee, the conversation must still be in its early stages, still going over the introductions.

The man on his left couldn’t have been much older than the two squires watching from across the room, but what really set him apart was his bright red hair. Even when he was introduced he didn’t take part of the conversation as it stuck between Lord Lee and the old man. Although Lenalee and the red-head were stuck in the same position, their reactions were rather different. Lenalee, although she was fidgeting near imperceptibly with the hem of her long sleeves, was paying the topic proper attention now that it had shifted from being about her. The red-head was looking around the room like he’d rather be anywhere else at the moment, only present because he was following the old man. At one point he was even weighing back and forth from his heels to his toes, his restlessness in stark contrast to Lenalee’s gentle presence.

“I heard them talking when they walked over. Seems like they’re working with the order. Or will be, I guess.”

“Great, more names,” Kanda thought out loud. Alma snickered, but Kanda was too concerned with the strangers to pay it any mind, “Is it anything we have to get involved with?”

“Well, it sounds like they’re coming back home with us after this is all over. It might not be any of our business but we’ll probably run into them a few times.”

Kanda frowned as he paused for thought. “Where did they come from?”

“They just returned from France.”

“Avignon?”

Alma shook his head. “No, they might come to work with the order but I don’t think the Pope sent them.” He stopped for a second. “Or well, I don’t know. Seems they’ve been going here and there. Been recording the war along the west coast. So they’re historians, I guess? I’m sure something’s up like always. They seem to be secretive people, just like the ones running the order.”

“Occultists?”

“No, I don’t think so, but who knows if they’re working with the order. The old man is a knighted, but I don’t think that’s all that there’s to it. The red-head seems to be… I’d say apprentice but knights don’t really take in apprentices like that, do they? Or at least it’s unheard of.”

“So he’s a squire,” Kanda confirmed and stepped away. “Why don’t you just go talk to them yourself? Instead of hiding around like this?”

Alma didn’t move and kept his eyes on the men talking with their Lord. “Eh, yes but no. I just think there’s more to it you know? Besides, I feel like I shouldn’t interrupt. I’m curious to know, but- Ack! Kanda you’re in trouble!”

“What?” Kanda snapped back into position, peeking over Alma’s head.

“The red-head! He’s talking to Lenalee now!” True enough, they had removed themselves from the conversation between Komui and the old knight.

Kanda left with an exasperated groan. Alma turned his head around.

“Wait, Yuu, you’re leaving?”

“If anyone asks, I was tired after the journey. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“You’re going to just leave Lenalee?”

“For fuck’s sake, Alma, they’re just talking. How is that my problem?”

“W-well what if he’ll, I don’t know, steal her away?” Alma glanced around a corner again. “I’m just saying, they seem to be getting along. He only has one eye though, I guess he’s out of her league.”

Kanda rolled his eyes and left Alma to his shenanigans. If he was going to get caught spying or eavesdropping, he could do it by himself.

—

The morning after was the day of the wedding. Yes, the one that they had come for but Kanda had ignored in favour of the tournament, the only thing allegedly worth being there for. The guests were confined to the castle grounds and the immediately surrounding lands, but there was celebration throughout the town as well. A distraction party to keep the peasants pleased so they wouldn’t envy the nobility more than they already did. In all fairness though, it was a good town and they seemed pleased enough with their Lord.

Everyone was dressed well for the day’s events. Alma and Kanda wore simple yet decorated clothes. Not the short-cut jackets and tight pants that were coming into fashion, but something a bit more relaxed. Common cuts, collars and sleeve-ends lined with embroidery, easily worn with armour. What set them apart as nobility was the quality and colours of their clothes. Unlike the knights however, they weren’t allowed to carry swords on their belts.

The wedding celebrations were shaped around such simple things as eating well, socializing, and dancing. Because of the promising weather, it was centered around the gardens so all the people would flock there. But the bigger the event, the easier it was to take a step back and disappear into the crowd. Kanda could appreciate that. Sure, he knew people would ask for him, but he also knew that Alma wouldn’t tell. Speaking of, he seemed to be doing well, dancing merrily with some comely wench. Kanda lost sight after he was dragged into a debate about the Swiss Revolution, and many other topics after that.

The light of day faded into a lovely afternoon and eventually evening and night. The party went on despite the hunt scheduled for the coming morning. Kanda kept to the outskirts of the crowd, occasionally caught by a group of strangers who could use a squire’s opinion. He spotted Komui a few times, accompanied by important people. Thinking and scheming people. It was a stark contrast to the Lord Lee they saw at home, the same Lord Lee as they had glimpsed the evening before when introducing Lenalee to the historians. This, Kanda thought, might be his true self. Or rather than true self, his full capacity. Komui was a stagnant scholar’s nightmare, speaking with a threatening insight and asking questions that the old, wise men would shy away from. His understanding of their history combined with his ambitions for the future scared them at times. He was always thinking of the grand scope of things, an outsider’s perspective, something the dusty, antiquated minds could not keep up with. They didn’t like the way his presence made their ignorance so apparent.

Lenalee had a much more easy-going mien, she wasn’t burdened by the same pressure that her brother was under. She had a wonderful brain filled with empathy and kindness, something that didn’t cloud her mind of the true nature of people in the slightest, despite what others might think. Kanda had heard the whispers of many crowds. The whispers of men and women who said she was too sweet for her own good, that she’d be taken advantage of, et cetera. Right. She was much more capable than anyone ever gave her credit for. Sometimes that included her brother.

Kanda never confronted people like that. Partially because he didn’t want to feed the rumours, and partially because he’d rather leave them for Lenalee to deal with. She had every ounce of social intelligence that Komui himself had, she did not need Kanda to step up and defend her. There was something about the Lees. Perhaps being too clever for their own good was something that ran in the family. Perhaps the tragic loss of their parents wasn’t so accidental. Perhaps Komui didn’t underestimate Lenalee as much as he was protecting her from those already threatened by his own intelligence and ambition.

This rare moment of mental clarity really put a strain on his brain. He was meant for simpler things, he had had enough of politics as it was. Speaking of brain strain, where was Alma?

Out of sight as it were, but the red-head ungracefully came into view as him and Lenalee stumbled into each other. Kanda watched them share an awkward but genuine laughter, seemed like they were on good terms already. They looked like they were both on their way somewhere but seemed to forget all about it as they apologized. He couldn’t for the life of him guess what they were talking about but they managed to distract each other splendidly and before long the red-head asked her to dance. Kanda didn’t mind dancing with Lenalee but somehow it was a weight off his shoulders. A fond smile grew on his face before he caught himself and suppressed it with his trademark frown. He quickly made sure nobody had observed it, looking this way and that way, before continuing with his silent observations.

The old knight was nowhere to be seen, but he’d bet that he and Komui got along just splendidly on a professional level. Out of nowhere a pastry obscured his vision. Too close and too sweet, something like those deep-fried dough pastries the Germans were known for. Kanda pushed it away.

“Enjoying yourself all on your own,” Alma asked, shrugging before taking a bite out of the pastry himself. 

“Absolutely,” Kanda replied with a hint of a smile. He disliked parties but he was an excellent observer, and Alma would observe him in turn. Somewhere they heard the yelp of a startled Miranda, her distressed, high pitch impossible to miss. She was Lenalee’s handmaiden, one out of many that worked closely with her.

“I didn’t want to say it the other day, but your theory about France seems probable after all...” Alma admitted.

“Did you learn something new?”

“There’s something strange in the works. Lots of people here, a lot of old men that have a lot to say about politics, war, and religion. They have the same kind of academic speech you only hear from the occultists, long words that are only used to make the subject inaccessible to the lower classes.”

Kanda frowned. He absolutely hated it when people couldn’t keep things simple. The Spartans got it right, couldn’t the rest just follow their example? He wasn’t surprised though, it’s not like they kept them updated unless they absolutely had to. The knights and their lower ranks were a military force, and a facade for the Black Order’s true workings. Content with his position, Kanda never dug deeper into it, but he too had heard things. Prophecies of war, dangerous cults, talk of religion that was so much deeper than the common man could comprehend. And although it was frowned upon, there was definitely talk of magic at times. When they were introduced to the order for the first time, he thought it was just some odd show of elitism, but slowly he came to find that there was a realness to all that profound shit.

“The Lords attending,” Kanda asked. “I recognized a few but I didn’t think too much of it.”

Alma nodded, following the motions of the dancefloor to keep their conversation from looking suspicious to the hypothetical viewer. You never knew who could be listening.

“Some are allies of the Black Order, but some are just regular noble houses.”

“So the Lord didn’t summon the order on the merit of their workings.”

“Right, I don’t think he’s involved but-”

Kanda cut him off. “The town is growing in power, everyone wants to set their roots before it gets too crowded to grow. They’re directly involved with the Habsburgs now so...” He shrugged.

“I was thinking the same,” Alma confirmed as he brushed his hands against each other to get rid of any crumbs. Kanda glanced at him and took a step away before turning back to the crowd.

“Don’t touch me, I don’t want any of that stuff on me.”

“I wasn’t about to!”  
—

The next morning there was the hunt, at least for anyone who hadn’t been drinking too much. The newlywed Lord seemed to be in decent enough shape despite having more reason than anyone to party hard. Luckily, both Alma and Kanda were above such pitiful things as getting hangovers for one reason or another.

There was a lot of chatter in the stables that morning, with the guests laughing about the evening before and servants running all over the place to get things in order for the hunt. Everyone’s sights were set on a stag that had been spotted while scouting for game. What would be more fitting to celebrate a wedding than the most prized quarry?

In the morning rush, Lenalee and Miranda had made their way down to the stables as well. Before too long, they were caught by Alma’s curious nature as they were walking by. Kanda could hear them talking from over where he was getting his horse ready.

“I didn’t know the ladies were participating in the hunt,” Alma joked. “How come you’re in the stables this early in the morning?”

Lenalee stopped to find the squire leaning over the back of his horse. She stopped and gave him a smile when she recognized him. “We thought we should head into town. Miranda heard that there would be a play for the villagers while the hunt is on today.”

Miranda looked flustered to be given credit for just about anything, but didn’t have the guts to object to anything Lady Lee said. She was a complete wreck next to Lenalee in her long-sleeved dress and silky hair. No amount of beauty could cover up for Miranda’s disastrous personality.

“I thought we should take the opportunity to watch it while we’re here,” Lenalee said. Smiling softly at Alma, she added. “And of course we couldn’t let you ride off without wishing you good luck on the hunt today. I’m sure you’ll do great.”

“Ah, ahah, of course we will!” The compliment was deadass getting to his head, Kanda thought. Alma leaned into the palm of his hand. “So what kind of play is it?”

“Oh, it’s…” Realizing she didn’t know much about it, Lenalee turned to Miranda. With a jolt, Miranda stammered to recall it herself.

“Ah, right! The play is- It’s a local folktale. I’m so very sorry, I don’t remember the details of it, b-but I heard it’s very romantic!”

“Don’t worry, Miranda,” Lenalee assured. “It’s always exciting to hear new stories, I’m sure it was chosen specifically to celebrate the wedding. The people living here seem so in tune, it’s such a lovely place.”

“Aw, I’d want to go too!” Alma pouted.

The girls giggled for a moment and Lenalee reached out to place a hand on top of his. “Well why don’t you sneak out with us then? Swap wardrobe with our escort and we’ll pay him to attend the hunt for you instead,” she joked.

“You know what,” Alma said as if he was seriously considering the plot for a moment. “Maybe it could work if I- No, no, I couldn’t do that. I’m sorry ladies, you’ll have to survive without me today!”

“We’ll miss you, Alma!” Lenalee said as she let go of his hand and left with Miranda, sharing another giggle as they left through the stable doors. Alma waved after them and returned to saddling his horse.

About an hour later the trumpets blared, and the hunting company rode off across the fields. Kanda and Alma were split up in different teams during the hunt. Instead of competing with each other, Alma landed in the company of the Lord and Kanda with the red-head who was working with the old knight. Speaking of, he hadn’t seen the old knight, he must’ve ended up with Alma.

Kanda didn’t get so much acquainted with the red-head as he got acquainted with an uneasy feeling about him. He thought he must be just like Lord Lee, except his faces were swapped the other way around. Kanda noted that he wasn’t bad in the saddle at all, didn’t bump up and down in the slightest. When he’d draw his bow, his hands would be as still as could be, but then he’d let the string relax and say he couldn’t get the aim right. True enough, he was missing an eye, but Kanda only got the nagging feeling that he wasn’t even there for the hunt. He was just there to observe. What someone would gain from acting laid-back and clumsy when it came to showing your skills, Kanda couldn’t figure out for the life of him.

Before he even reached out a hand to Kanda, he had already decided he didn’t like him. Well, true enough, such was the case for most people. Regardless Kanda shook it like he didn’t care. He wore no gloves, his hands looked like they had gone cold and dry after the winter. His face was pale, not in a fair way but rather that he probably hadn’t seen the sun in way too long.

“Lavi,” he introduced himself with what could be interpreted as a beaming smile. Kanda wasn’t going to have any of that though, his suspicions about the man had already pinned him down as fake. He didn’t trust that smile or his ungloved hands for a second.

“Kanda,” he replied. Lavi quirked an eyebrow, or both for all Kanda knew.

Kanda frowned. “What? It’s my name.” Lavi shrugged like he had no choice but to take his word for it and that was it. Kanda wished he wouldn’t have to see more of him but knew that the order had other plans already. Well he wasn’t going to force himself to appear friendly with him.

At the end of it, the hunt convened and he joined up with Alma again before the evening. He stuck with him the entire way back to the castle as a way of keeping away from the lazy, one-eyed gaze of Lavi. Alma told him all about how they got the stag, how it was totally epic, and that the minstrels would write songs about it.

After dinner that night, Kanda was joined by Lenalee up on a balcony. Apparently she hadn’t been feeling too well later on that day. She lamented the fact that she had left Miranda on her own to play tennis with the other ladies after the play.

Not too long after that they were joined by Alma and Miranda, who had dragged him along on a frantic search after she had lost Lenalee among all the other guests. She apologized profusely for having lost every single tennis match she had faced that day, as surely she was bringing shame upon the Lee family for losing in such a humiliating way. After Lenalee took a moment to reassure her that she wasn’t going to fire her over something as silly as that, Alma inquired about the play.

The talk progressed from there. From the play to the appeal of courtly romance to folktales to culture to music, and so on. Kanda weighed in with an opinion every now and then, but for the most part he was content with being there. With the people he trusted the most, the night air, and the light from inside the castle and the garden. The serenity almost suppressed a vague feeling of foreboding that had started to gnaw at him that evening.

—

The following day there was the long-awaited joust. During the hunt there had been preparations in town, and the servants and some townsfolk had set up arrangements in the fields. An arena had been built for this event specifically, with flags everywhere, the ground flattened out so that there wouldn’t be any bumps for the horses to stumble on, and heightened spots for the spectators to sit.

Kanda still hadn’t shrugged off that odd feeling from the evening before. It had to be the weather, the treacherous sunshine of spring that would try to convince you that it wasn’t that cold after all. Then came the chilling wind like a slap on the wrist, reminding people of reason, that it was in fact not yet summer. No matter how much he tried however, the vexation would not ease up.

Lenalee wasn’t present that morning, she had started to feel worse over night so she sent Miranda to watch the joust for her and tell her about the exciting parts. Kanda was more distant than usual, barely bothering with a word at breakfast. He told Alma that he hadn’t been feeling right, asked the servants to saddle another horse, and kept to himself. Although Alma rarely let things like these slide, he left Kanda to isolate himself before heading out to the arena. If something was genuinely bothering him, Alma wasn’t going to pester him. Especially not right right before the joust.

As expected, the outfits for that day were gaudy but not too ridiculous. Draped over the armours were colourful fabrics with borders cut in shapes, helmets decorated with feathers, and family crests slapped on absolutely everywhere. For Kanda and Alma in particular, it seemed that Tiedoll had been notified before his departure to Florence, and had made arrangements beforehand. The man just couldn’t help his artistic side sometimes.

Riding by, Alma gave Kanda’s shoulder a push and narrowly avoided a shove right back. Both were covered from head to toe in armour, helmets on, ready for the games to begin. Of course, the horses were equally decked out.

Alma didn’t want to push his luck trying to cheer Kanda up, but he wasn’t the type to just say nothing either. He was wearing his old armour for fuck’s sake. Something has to be seriously off for Kanda to have gotten _sentimental_ and it could _not_ bode well right before a tournament like this. To Alma, it was a matter as grave as an omen of death.

“Hey uhm… Shame Lenalee couldn’t make it!” No response. Heck. “Well… I won’t go easy on you just because you’ve been gloomy all morning so watch out!”

Heading off to the arena, Alma left with a wave over his shoulder. “You better cheer up or you’ll have to get over being a sore loser real fast, Yuu!”

There was no response to that. Alma figured he shouldn’t have expected one.

The setup of the joust was simple. Everyone was divided up in pairs, going one against one until there were only two left. As luck would have it, Alma and Kanda would be facing each other if they could clear the competition before then, and neither of them would have it any other way.

There was no fence separating the horses so it was elemental to have a horse that wouldn’t veer from it’s path. There were raised seats on both sides of the arena, a berfrois for the nobility, and a court of honour for the judge. The valets and the ground crew kept close to the area, ready to assist. Absolutely everything was set and crowded with people, hungry for some action.

Many lances were broken and quickly replaced in the passes that day. Possibly some bones as well. But what was a jousting tournament without some accidents? The crowd would cheer loudly each time. Granted, they hadn’t seen such danger and excitement in a long time. The audience loved to romanticize the violence from a safe distance, living under the belief that they would never have to experience it themselves. Besides, what were a few broken bones when you had the potential of being knighted? War aside, the life of a knight was, in lack of better words, fucking sweet. There were times when the audience got lost in their fantasies and thought that they themselves could be better than the warriors before them. How hard could it be? Well truth be told, tournaments served that purpose as well, luring people into wasteful war with the promise of eternal glory and riches.

The tournament could’ve gone on like that, casually hazardous. Lavi made a brilliant example of what it meant to be a gracious loser, getting up immediately and riding out with his opponent. Helmet off and making friendly talk, praising his skill. The audience loved it.

It was an unwritten rule, that he who lost and was most frequently unhorsed was the most valiant and the stronger. There were even times where men like that would be rewarded as the man of the match, an award that went to the most distinguished man of the tournament. The scoring system was usually a complicated thing like that. The general consensus was that the top score went to the man who unhorsed his opponent, the second highest for breaking _your lance_ , and striking your opponents helmet as a third highest. Regardless of the systems, the courageous loser _always_ had a place in everyone’s hearts. Lavi played that role amazingly, though the old man still slapped him at the back of his head on the way out, scolding him for letting the levée fall too low before the impact.

The crowd was elated by the time the next contestants rode in. As planned, having cleared the previous competition, Kanda and Alma met on the opposing side of the arena. Both had already shown exemplary skills in previous rounds and at this point the talk had reached most people.

The audience had heard that two childhood friends were facing off against each other, and that one tidbit of information made things all the more exciting. Surely a bond like that would make a match worth watching since it would allow them to coordinate for better showmanship, and because they were so close it wouldn’t matter who won in the end. They’d probably dismount and embrace one another like brothers at the end of the match. The fantasy of the audience sure liked to run wild. Meanwhile, Miranda was terrified that they would rip each others’ heads off if things took a turn for the worse. Even she knew that they had a quick temper like that.

The thundering hooves of the steeds bore off, and before either of them could make a turn at the ends of the arena after the first pass, Alma had hit the ground. The crowd was already roaring in cheer before he did, but it was quickly silenced by the collective hushing of the more observant watchers. Kanda’s lance had caught awkwardly onto Alma’s shoulder, pulling him out of the saddle. Something that would’ve been all well if his sabaton hadn’t slipped through the stirrup, dragging him under the hooves of his own horse before the strap snapped, leaving Alma on the ground halfway through the tiltyard.

The crowd remained silent as if even the slightest gasp would suck the last air out of the arena. The foreboding chill from the night before seemed to nest itself into the core of it all where a squire lay unmoving. There were many falls that day, as it should be. But nobody went down quite like that. The moment that passed instilled in them the knowledge that there were times where the sport was, in fact, fatal.

As the shock of the crowd thawed, they began to mumble between each other as they awaited someone to confirm the damages. As parts of the ground crew rushed out plenty of eyes fell on the one person still in the saddle. One hand on the reins, the other pulled up to his chest, helmet still shielding him from the prying eyes of the world.

Another moment of terrifying uncertainty passed as Alma didn’t show any signs of waking up. The crowd’s worry grew louder as someone claimed they saw blood on his face. It must’ve been from falling under the hooves they said.

Before anything else was confirmed, the victor turned his horse around and rode out the gates.


	3. Headaches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing head trauma and food fights!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruh... Feelings are my enemy. I have such a respect for people who can write emotions and accurate character portrayals, goddamn!

While everyone had flocked to the arena, the surrounding tournament grounds were attended only by a handful of servants. Tents were set up for the castle physician, armaments, and replacements needed at a moment’s notice. In one such tent, passing the time in hiding, Kanda sat waiting, unaware of what was going on inside the arena. Close by he picked up the sound of hooves, the thud of an armoured individual dismounting, and the sounds of their footsteps hurrying towards the tent. Nobody should be here at this time which could only mean one thing. Quietly he moved over to place himself in the intruder’s blindspot by the entrance.

The victor of the arena stepped in and hurried past him. Had Kanda not recognized the impostor by his old armour he had been more than ready to knock them out cold.

“Lenalee.” He stepped forward, waiting for her to face him. “What’s going on?”

She tossed aside the helmet, revealing her deathly pale face. Kanda frowned, looking for any signs of injury but finding none. He looked back up at her, puzzled then as to what the fuss was all about.

“We have to swap places, Kanda! I made a terrible mistake, you have to get out there! I don’t know- I didn’t know what to do so I just ran! Please you have to go!” Panicked, she tried to tear off the pieces of armour without properly unfastening them, getting increasingly more anxious for each second the armour clung to her.

Kanda stepped forward to stop her, grabbing a hold of her shoulders.

“Lenalee, stop! Breathe and tell me what happened. _Are you hurt?_ ”

She shook her head insistently. “No! No, not me! It’s Alma! When I turned back after the first pass he had already been unhorsed, but he wasn’t moving! Everyone could tell something was wrong, I got so scared-”

Kanda pushed past in the middle of her explanation. He didn’t need to hear more.

“It all happened so fast, I still don’t know what actually happened!”

Kanda was a moment away from pulling aside the curtains to step out, when they were snatched away right in front of him. “Kanda, what on earth-”

A familiar voice froze them in place before the intruder walked in on them. Komui halted right at the entrance, blocking their exit. He took a good look at the scene before him. Kanda, the man who supposedly ran away, leaving the arena in turmoil, and “Lenalee?”

As if Kanda hadn’t been acting strange enough all day, finding Lenalee

—who should by all rights be back at the castle,

wearing Kanda’s old armour

—that he should be wearing,

Flooded Lord Lee’s mind with numerous questions. While Lenalee and Kanda struggled to think of anything to say before things escalated beyond the point it already had, the pieces slowly fell into place. Meanwhile they came up with nothing. Neither of them even made an attempt at words. There was no explanation that could justify this. They were never supposed to be found out, and absolutely not under circumstances such as these. This was a scenario they hadn’t even dared to consider.

To Komui, it all made sense in hindsight. Lenalee had grown out her hair to the exact same length as Kanda, and now they kept it in identical ponytails. The fact that she had asked to stay behind alone at the castle after feigning sickness. The armour that Kanda had kept despite having grown out of it. The abrupt change of horses earlier that morning. It had been elaborate, and long in the works, but the journey was over before Lenalee had been able to complete her first joust.

“I need an explanation. _Right. Now._ ” Despite his shock, Komui still found it in him to be commanding. Lenalee was about to open her mouth but Kanda stepped forward first.

“Step aside, my lord.” Their cover was blown, there was nothing that could be done about that. All that mattered now was getting to Alma. There must have been something on his face betraying his calm, because Komui did not move an inch.

“I think not. I will hear you out first,” he snapped back, absolutely unwavering.

“I’ll force my way through if I have to.”

“You are not in a position to order me around, young man! You’ve already caused enough damage as it is! I shouldn’t need to spell out what happens next, now that you’ve put all our names at stake!”

“Once I get to see Alma-”

“The ground team took him in, he should be overseen by the physician on site. At this moment there is nothing you can do. _By god_ , would I want to let you go see him but first I need to know what _is it_ that you’ve done?” The cold tone was starting to corrode as empathy was cracking through. It turned into something beseeching.

Kanda stepped back, locking his hands behind his neck as he turned to a corner, cursing the fact that he couldn’t do much more than to acknowledge the facts. If he went into the physician’s tent right now, there would be an endless amount of questions that he wasn’t ready for. But did it really matter? He didn’t know how grave the injuries were, he didn’t even know if Alma was still alive, and in the frustration of his own incompetence he couldn’t help but to assume the worst. There was nothing he could do to rectify what had already come to pass, but that didn’t change the urge to run to Alma’s side. The tent began to feel compressing and claustrophobic. He had to get out there, but was forced to wait. Thoughts racing, he turned deaf to the conversation that continued without him.

“And Lenalee! I don’t know where to begin! I have told you countless times this was completely out of question, and still?”

“And I told you! I told you that I wanted to help people, that I wanted to fight! Even if it was through the Black Order I didn’t just want to sit around doing nothing!”

Komui pinched the bridge of his nose as if he tried to suppress a headache. This conversation had been had too many times already, but it would seem they were never done with it.

“Lenalee. You know very well why I can’t allow you to go to war.”

“Yes, but I don’t understand! It’s _my_ choice, and I want to fight for something I believe in!”

“If you can’t comprehend it, then perhaps it’s not for you! Lenalee, for God’s sake, for starters you’re a young maiden. There are so many things- Are we really having this conversation now?”

“Claude is a well-respected knight! If she can do it then why can’t I? We’re both women so what makes us so different?”

“You still have a family! She lost everything, that’s the big difference! I do everything in my power so you may live a good life even if I were to die one day. Why then, why _is it_ that you are _so driven_ to throw it all away so you can go die in battle? Why do you have to reject everything I offer you so you can be a part of the order? Why are you so eager to leave me behind, alone?”

Lenalee was about to yell back at him, their voices had gotten pretty loud at this point, but Kanda’s fist reached Komui first. The man stumbled back, a hand reaching up to cover his nose. Lenalee’s words were forgotten. This had gotten completely out of hand and Kanda had assaulted the Lord of the Headquarters’ Castle.

“Kanda, you dare-”

Kanda swiftly seized Komui by the collar and pulled him up.

“ _You…_ shut up! If you’re going to keep arguing then I’m leaving, regardless of what happens. My reputation or yours, well I can tell you right now that mine isn’t going to count for much if Alma is dying so you tell me what have I got to lose by telling everyone what really went down?”

Silence fell as they stared each other down, Komui still regaining his composure. Kanda had never been the knightly ideal, much to Tiedoll’s lament, but this was way out of line.

“You tell me, _right now_ , how we’re going to solve this. Tell me what _happened._ ”

Komui wasn’t feeling so inclined to give in to Kanda, but swallowed his pride. The truth getting out was not an alternative. He pulled himself back up to his full length and stared down at the squire.

“I’m sure Alma assumed it was you that he was going up against, _as one would’ve._ ” The accusatory bite to those words were hard to ignore, but then his tone mellowed out again. “Since it was Lenalee, he must have miscalculated and it caught him off guard. The lance caught his shoulder badly, throwing him off his horse. His leg slipped through the stirrup.”

Kanda visibly winced. He knew where this was going. Komui didn’t need to tell Kanda what falling under the hooves would likely imply. He continued on a later note.

“After you-” He stopped. “Apologies. After _Lenalee_ rode out of the arena the ground crew ran out to fetch the horse and check on him. I rushed here after that. On my way through the crowd I heard a few things. He hit his head in a bad way, he was bleeding from his temple. The ground team called out that he was still breathing.”

Kanda’s face softened for a split second and his intimidation fell away completely, as if he had been holding a breath. He slowly let go of Komui, who took the opportunity to straighten out his clothes.

“I never saw him regain consciousness, but he is in good hands,” Komui assured, glancing at Lenalee who carefully walked up to Kanda. He watched her put a feather-light hand on his shoulder, and Kanda smacking it away the moment he felt the contact. She jolted and took a step back, sinking back into the guilt. As she put her face in her hands and stepped back, Komui knew she was already aware of the full consequences of her actions. She turned to Komui, tears starting to well up, and he extended his arms to welcome her into a consoling embrace. She didn’t hesitate, hugging him tight as she cried into his shoulder. There was nothing he could tell her that she didn’t already know, and he knew that no matter what he couldn’t keep himself from forgiving her.

With Lenalee in his arms, Komui continued. “Now, how do we best address this situation? Believe me Kanda, I’d want nothing more to send you on your way to see Alma, but we need to settle this first.”

Kanda sighed, palm rubbing thoughtfully at the side of his face. It would take a significant effort to put his emotions aside for the moment to actually come up with some sustainable solution. Komui looked down to Lenalee. “You should get out of this armour. I’ll fetch you something to wear.”

“No need,” Kanda interjected. “We brought clothes, we’re not that fucking stupid.” Kanda turned to look at Lenalee and nodded towards a bag in the corner. She returned the nod. With that, Komui let her go and stepped over to the exit again, holding the curtains open for Kanda. The two of them then left Lenalee to change.

Komui scanned the surroundings before he spoke to Kanda again. “So,” he started, but Kanda was never done being rude so he interrupted yet again.

“There’s only one way to do this. I’ll take full responsibility for what happened today and nobody needs to find out about Lenalee.”

“I’m glad we can agree on this. The Black Order won’t go easy on you but with Sir Tiedoll’s support and mine I’m sure we can manage something.”

“I don’t see how they can punish me for what happened at the tournament. As long as nothing gets out about Lenalee…”

Komui sighed. “After all of Tiedoll’s hard work, you still don’t understand what impact your terrible manners have. Everyone knows the both of you are impeccable fighters, nobody will accept it as just an accident. Even if they did, the order will want to hold somebody accountable for it and you are already in a bad position.”

Kanda didn’t respond to that, so Komui followed up. “I wish you would understand the full consequences that your actions have, Kanda. Preferably _before_ something happens, but it’s too late for that now.”

“Well you’ve spelled it out quite clearly for me now, haven’t you,” Kanda hissed back.

“And I still don’t think you care to understand the full extent of it. Tell me, what would it take for you to learn that lesson? Alma was injured because of your actions here today, what else needs to happen?”

At that point, Lenalee stepped out in the dress she had “intended” to wear. Kanda dropped the conversation to walk over and help with her hair by habit, earning a stern glare from Komui.

“Ah-ah! Not on my watch!” he said, pushing Kanda aside. As if he was going to let Kanda put up Lenalee’s hair! Kanda rolled his eyes and stepped inside the tent to get into his armour, as Komui started on a long, silky braid.

The memory of the time after that was vague and blurry, like a dream that wasn’t worth remembering. He had returned to the joust but the previous events had left him too unbalanced to perform as gallantly as he otherwise would have. He felt detached from his body, like it was lagging behind. Even when he was allowed to finally see Alma he was stuck in deep thought, although those thoughts were empty and desperate like trying to remember something important that kept slipping. Nothing felt real.

He was reassured that Alma would survive, but beyond that there were many questions that couldn’t be answered until he woke up. Kanda had many such questions and the castle physician did his best to explain what unfortunate things might arise with Alma’s damages.

They had done what they could, pushing his shoulder back in place and cleaning up the wounds. Kanda knew the cut over his nose would scar, and Alma would complain about it, but for now he looked as peaceful as a person could after getting trampled by a horse. The wounds could have been worse but the physician explained, uncomfortably, that this was the least of their concerns. The worry was whether or not Alma would fully recover from the head trauma. As he rambled on Kanda’s mind settled on one simple fact only. _In conclusion, Alma might not ever get to see the battlefield as a knight._

He was sitting by Alma’s bedside at this point, head sinking down to meet with the palm of his hands. Komui continued so the physician of the castle wouldn’t have to. Being the bearer of such unfortunate truths was uncomfortable.

“He hasn’t injured his eyes, but a loss of sight can still occur. While it’s likely that he’ll show signs of dizziness and nausea once he wakes up, please keep in mind that these things also might not manifest until later on.”

After a dreadfully long moment, Kanda gathered the composure to wave Komui off. He and the castle physician stepped outside with a promise to check in again later. Kanda lost track of time after that. He recalled a wordless prayer, something that his detached self would repeat over and over, anchored only by the refusal to leave Alma until he woke up.

Much like the joust, the next day’s mêlée was a blur. He couldn’t recall the last time he had taken such a well-announced shield bash to the face, but somehow he managed all the way till the end. At the end of it, the crowd was more terrified than amazed and Kanda could barely hear them. Both him and Alma were forces to be reckoned with. Two unyielding monsters, standing tall even in the aftermath. He had to block out everything else to live up to it, but he did.

Lenalee had shown up in the arena that day, but they didn’t speak. Even if he was isolating himself with his own concerns, he knew Lenalee was dealing with her own guilt, all while being under the pressure of social etiquette no less. At least she had Komui to remind her not to berate herself. They traded a look and nothing else. Even without words he must’ve expressed something unpleasant. Her hands clasped together over her chest, still wearing an agitated visage.

After the mêlée, Kanda returned to see Alma when he was met with the physician running downstairs. “Oh dear god!” he startled, when he nearly ran into Kanda. Before he could inquire about the rush, the old man cracked a smile that instantly snapped Kanda out of his daze. He turned to run back up the stairs, urging him “come with me!” Knowing the way, Kanda pushed past in the narrow staircase and ran ahead of him.

Once he reached Alma’s room he pushed the door open as he rushed through. The door smacked into some supplies behind it and Alma groaned at the sound, moving his still mobile hand up over his face as if it would shield him from it. Stumbling forward, Kanda dropped to his knees by the bedside and wrapped his arms around Alma.

“Yuu...? _Ow!_ My shoulder…” His voice wasn’t much more than a quiet mumble. Kanda eased up and let go of him slowly as he rose to get a chair.

“How are you feeling?”

“Uhhh… bad.” Alma stared drowsily up at the roof as Kanda could hear the old physician catch up. He sat down as Alma was struggling to find the simplest words. “It’s hazy, I don’t remember… much.”

Alma sighed as he closed his eyes. “My head hurts a lot so please don’t… make loud noises and stuff.”

“Oh… sure-”

“I’ve sent for someone to fetch you food from the dining hall,” the physician interrupted as he closed the door behind him, darkening the room slightly. He walked over and put a hand over Alma’s hand. “I know you must be exhausted but try to stay awake for a little bit longer so at least you could get some sustenance. Meanwhile, I’ll ask you a few questions so please bear with me.”

“Ah, that’s…” Alma hesitated for a moment, frowning. “Please repeat?”

The physician grabbed what Kanda would assume to be a medical journal and a quill, continuing to speak as he noted something down. When he spoke again his speech was much clearer.

“Try to stay awake. I will ask some questions,” he paused to let Alma process it. This simple exchange already struck Kanda as bad. “Then you will get something to eat.”

“Oh. Thanks. Go ahead.”

Kanda sat back throughout the physician’s analysis, breathing an internal sigh of relief for every time he assured Alma that “this is normal” or “that is better than expected.” Although it was much too early to say, the physician thought that it was well within the realms of possibility for Alma to make a full recovery. The pain was the worst, nobody was surprised by that. Given the time to properly awaken, his eyesight was miraculously unchanged. He was slow to process things but otherwise he was perfectly present.

“How long would it take,” Alma asked. At this point he was propped up so he could sit while eating, even though it was exhausting and he would take breaks to lean back in between. Motor skills were sluggish and somewhat unsteady, but he was managing himself well despite having one arm wrapped up to heal. What bothered him the most was the nausea that arose from the increased dizziness of sitting up. Unsurprisingly, it was messing with his appetite.

“You should recover mostly in a few months, but you might feel lingering effects for years to come. Too many things are uncertain, your condition might also worsen during those years.”

“I’m sorry,” Alma started on the brink of a chuckle that turned bitter. _“Years?”_ He sounded mildly offended at the statement. He looked to the physician as if surely he must’ve been jesting, but the old man avoided to meet eyes.

“Y-yes.”

“That’s… not enough... Isn’t there something?I don’t have the time- there has to be something!”

“You should rest for now, that’s all,” the physician said as he stood up, making himself ready to leave. Without Komui to speak for him Kanda could tell that he wasn’t comfortable with explaining the full impact it might have on his life. He hurriedly excused himself before leaving, ignoring Alma when he called on him to explain. As the door closed, Alma let his head fall back on the pillows again, wincing at the impact.

“I can’t believe this.”

“Komui will explain later,” Kanda promised. If he didn’t show up on his own, he’d drag him over himself. He couldn’t say for sure if Alma had heard him, or if the lack of a response had been enough on it’s own. A good moment passed as Alma picked at the food but never committed to eat any of it.

“Hey, Yuu…”

“What?”

“Tell me what happened.” He paused, trying to provide the context for what little he could recall through what seemed almost like a fever dream. “You were acting weird... so I worried,” he began. After a moment longer, Alma’s frown deepened and he shook his head carefully. “Then nothing. How many days has it been since then?”

“All that happened yesterday. It’s almost evening now.” 

Alma chuckled but winced when it made his head hurt. “Hahah, _ow... Fuck._ Well... that’s not as bad as I thought. Tell me about the joust then?”

Kanda hesitated for a moment. He had avoided the notion about him acting strange, but he couldn’t tell if Alma had let it slide on purpose or if he was just that unfocused. Naturally he couldn’t tell him about Lenalee, but regretted not telling him earlier. Would things have turned out differently if he had? Of course they would’ve. In hindsight, not letting Alma in on what had been going on between him and Lenalee had been plain stupid, but each time he had inquired about them Kanda had shut him down out of annoyance.

Nobody had the privilege of being entitled to his innermost thoughts and secrets. It wasn’t by a conscious effort that he pushed everyone away, he was just like that and nothing —not even Alma with all his prying and worrying— could get past it. Ever since childhood this core habit had made Alma upset many, many times. Perhaps that’s why it was so unsettling that he wouldn’t question it. Perhaps that’s why he wanted to tell him more than ever. He didn’t want him to think it was his fault.

What came out of his mouth was characteristically minimalistic.

“You fell. Took a lance to the shoulder, but instead of just smacking into the ground you got your ankle caught through the stirrup. The horse ran you over. You’ve been asleep until now.”

“Actually I think I woke up sometime during the night. It was all dark and I felt awful so I just fell back asleep.”

“Well… That’s good.”

“Yeah. I suppose so.” Alma thoughtfully lifted a hand, closing and opening it as if testing it. Then he brought to his face in an attempt to cover it. “That is so embarrassing though,” he mumbled into his palm. “That’s such a dumb mistake.”

 _It happens to everyone_ , Kanda thought. “If it’s any consolation… I think they’ll remember you more than whoever they award the man of the match.”

Alma scoffed. “At what cost though?”

Another moment of silence passed. Kanda didn’t look up but he was vaguely aware of Alma setting aside his plate.

“Alright. Help me stand,” Alma said then.

Kanda frowned. “No.”

“Yes,” Alma argued, clumsily tugging the blanket away from his legs.

“No, he said you needed rest.”

Alma stopped and turned to Kanda, giving him a challenging glare. Kanda looked up and then dismissively returned to his own food, ending the argument as far as he was concerned. Alma, however, wasn’t done. He grabbed a piece of bread and threw it at Kanda.

“Hey!” Kanda snapped back up to meet his glare again. “You’re going to stay in bed!”

“No!” Alma yelled back, pointing at Kanda. He immediately regretted yelling. It made his head hurt something fierce, but he was also too stubborn to back down. “I refuse! I won’t- can’t just... to just lie here and do nothing!” Alma ignored how the words wouldn’t come out right.

“You’ve only been in bed for a day! You get dizzy from sitting up and you can’t process a normal fucking conversation!”

Proving his point, Alma took a moment longer to respond than he should’ve. “Oh! Fuck off! I was just tired! I can… process things just fine.” The last words turned into an insecure mumble as he watched Kanda pick the piece of bread back up from the floor.

Kanda sighed and rolled his eyes. “Listen. You’ll stay in bed, just like the old man said. You’ll eat your fucking food.” Kanda tossed the breadpiece back at Alma. “And that’s that.”

Alma looked at the piece of bread and then to Kanda. Kanda knew that Alma knew that he was right. Alma squinted at him, he knew that he knew that he knew too. They locked eyes in a glare, as if that would settle the dispute for them. They stubbornly stayed like that for a while, before finally Alma turned away.

“Fine. You know what…” He reached over with his one good arm to grab the plate that had been brought for him. Before Kanda could get out of his chair and take a step forward Alma —in an attempt to launch it across the room— threw it down on the floor.

“There! I’m done! Help me up or I’ll roll myself out of bed whether you like it or not!”

Kanda let his own plate fall to the side as he shot up from his chair. “You think I’d just let you?”

“Fucking watch me,” Alma shouted back. He was already half-way over the edge of the bed when Kanda caught him by the arm. Thankfully, it was not the one that had been dislocated.

Alma let out a string of incoherent curses as he was fighting back the throbbing pain in his head, only remaining somewhat standing because of Kanda’s rough support. The surroundings melted into a blur almost instantaneously, and he could feel the chill of an oncoming loss of consciousness. The world around him turned all wobbly and uncertain, the nausea was setting in. Anything outside his immediate field of vision was consumed by darkness.

Fighting to stay conscious, Alma put all his efforts into just breathing. Distantly, he became aware of Kanda talking. Scolding him, probably. He couldn’t make out the words. What was louder than anything was the dawning realization that he didn’t have the strength to stand on his own. He didn’t need anybody to tell him, he already knew that if he didn’t recover he’d have no future as a knight. And even if he did, the thought of possibly losing years of progress… It was too much.

Kanda readjusted his grip to support Alma better. He had given up on getting any kind of response by now, he knew it was falling on deaf ears. Carefully, he lowered them both down on the floor, propping Alma up to rest against the bedframe and himself.

The stone floor was cold, Kanda noted as he sat down. Food all over it too. He couldn’t hear a soul from behind the door, just Alma’s breathing settling into a steadier pace as he calmed down. After what felt like minutes later there was a whisper.

“Sorry… about that.”

“Don’t. Just rest.” Kanda didn’t want to hear any of it. It wasn’t his fault, but he couldn’t tell him that. He had already committed himself to this lie, giving in now wouldn’t change anything.

“I don’t care how long it takes,” he continued, staring off distantly towards the door. “You’ll be just as strong as you were before. We’ll be stronger than anybody. We’ll go to France and deal with whatever is going on there. We’ll get knighted eventually…” Not through some damned day-long ritual though. No, on the eve of battle.

“Hell, maybe we’ll go to Italy one day too.”

Alma let out a small laugh through his nose. Kanda could feel the muscles in Alma’s face tug into a small smile. “I’d like that...”

“I know.”

Kanda felt Alma choke back a sob. It didn’t take long before he felt the tears seeping through the fabric of his shoulder. He couldn’t find the words of any worth saying beyond what had already been said and eventually elected to just hold Alma closer. Carefully, not to put any pressure on the damaged shoulder.

“I just…” There was a sniff. “I can’t stand the thought of being left behind. I don’t want everything we’ve done to go to waste.”

“Maybe don’t hurl yourself out of bed then,” Kanda retorted, too softly to have any actual bite. It was some kind of poor attempt of consolation.

“Promise me,” Alma whispered. “Don’t leave me behind.”

Kanda stopped himself from resting his own head on top of Alma’s. Giving him the answer was harder than it should’ve been. It took too long, Kanda realized that.

“I won’t,” he said, finally. Vague as it was, Alma didn’t have the energy to be picky about it. Eventually, Kanda realized that he had fallen asleep. Not to disturbed him, they stayed like that until Komui came by to check on Alma. Kanda, still awake, had to explain the mess of the place.


End file.
